AE: {Arethusa.}
AE: {I have been reading your most recent fic.}
PH: Yyyyessss?
AE: {And while it is remarkably more coherent where grammar and punctuation are concerned than is usual for you, I have a rigid calcium-based organ to pick with you.}
PH: I am on tenterhooks, Lamia!
PH: What rigid calcium-based organ could you ?ossibly have to ?ick with me????
PH: This is a shocking develo?ment.
AE: {I wish to preface this picking with some assertions, for clarity's sake.}
AE: {You know I greatly enjoy your fics.}
AE: {That is not a thing that ceased being true, or anything.}
AE: {You also know that I am not particularly apt to complain when I appear in them, or at least, if I do, it is only the most cursory of grumblings, no doubt in part because I know how you love to bait me with your plothooks and it seems almost selfish to withhold from you the satisfaction of witnessing your effects.}
AE: {However.}
AE: {At a certain point, as your editor, I must begin to have qualms about repetition.}
AE: {As repetition dragged past a certain point is, I am certain you will agree, boring.}
AE: {And further, gives me grounds to wonder whether the repetitions to which I refer present a Pattern which, in turn, provides Grounds for a Conjecture that you, Arethusa, see me in a Certain Light.}
AE: {A typecasting light.}
AE: {A light of Eternal Moirail to Every Troll Ever Who Ever Showed the Slightest Bit of Violent Emotion.}
AE: {Is the calcium-based organ beginning to take shape?}
PH: You know, if I squint my eyes . . .
PH: . . . and look reeeeeeeeeeallllllly closely.
PH: By which I mean . . . .
PH: so closely that it's ?ractically indecent
PH: I can alllllllllllmost make out
PH: the vague, somewhat blurry outline
PH: of the calcium-based organ you are ?laintively ?lucking at.
PH: Of course, I find your allegation to be rankest folly, a most des?icable generalization.
AE: {Arethusa.}
AE: {This is the fifth consecutive fic in which you have Moirailed me with someone.}
AE: {And, curiously, no SOONER am I Moirailed than all action, excitement, and other peregrinations come to a stultified end.}
PH: Methinks the lady has...
PH: ...some ?ersonal ?roblems with her role as moirail, then, for certainly I did not write a story in which all action, excitement...
PH: ...and other ?eregrinations...
PH: ...came to a stultified end u?on the consummation of the ?alest of romances. >:)
PH: And yes, yes, five. I only have one more ?lausible shi?, and then I will be done.
AE: {...Which?}
PH: Thus far, we've seen Torent, Aascam, Skylar, Ezreki and Octavi. Can you not guess the last troll you might ?ossibly be ?aired with?
PH: Iiiiii would think it was com?letely obvious!
PH: And, Lamia.
PH: You must admit!
PH: >:) Those are all excellent shi?s.
AE: {Any of them taken on their own would indeed have been amusing.}
AE: {Any one, two, even THREE of those ships taken together? Still amusing.}
AE: {Once you break past the narrative completeness of the number 3, however, tediousness sets in.}
AE: {Furthermore, it erodes the integrity of the Pale Quadrant!}
PH: Are you im?lying, darling Lamia, that none of those shi?s are canon?
AE: {I am stating so outright, Arethusa! Moirailitude has none of the promiscuousness of the Concupiscent quadrants!}
PH: ?sht. They all ha??en in different "universes." It isn't as if you are flitting from ?ale romance to ?ale romance! That would be awful.
AE: {Hmph.}
PH: MmmHmmmmmm.....?
AE: {Is that how you see me, though?}
AE: {Just... A boring troll with a genius for pallor? For evening out the wild inconsistencies of the more ACTIVE trolls who actually DO things instead of loitering about at the peripheries offering casual somewhat improving commentary upon...}
AE: {...}
AE: {...I should go.}
AE: {I am sorry to have bothered you. I will send you the line edits in time.}
PH: Did you even read the fics? >:(
PH: Or did you just SKIM them...
PH: ...as a leaf u?on a raging torrent...
PH: ...looking for grammar mistakes????
AE: {No, I read them. All the lines. All of them.}
PH: Is that what you usually do? D:<
AE: {And also I read what was in between.}
AE: {I suppose.}
PH: Then what the Hell is this bullshit?
PH: >:\
PH: It sooooounds more like you misread what was in between. ?ower malfunction. Oh no! Oh woe!
PH: >;)
AE: {I doubt it.}
AE: {Then again, you are inscrutable(1).}
AE: {(1)A word which here means unreadable.}
PH: Hubris, Lamia. Hubris. Tsk. If I thought of you as a boring troll, would I bother s?eaking to you?
AE: {You have a genius for deriving amusement from even the most boring of trolls.}
AE: {I mean, Yarkat. Case in point.}
PH: You aren't im?lying that the romance which is as white as snow, which is fate-bound, destiny-wrapped, is BORING, are you?
AE: {No.}
AE: {But I know you have a certain disdain for Moirails yourself.}
AE: {For the idea of being fate-bound, destiny-wrapped, in snow-white romance.}
PH: Oh, no! I think moirails are awesome! They're so cute together. >:) Didn't you think that you were cute in some of those shi?s?
PH: Iiiiiii certainly thought so! >;)
PH: I sim?ly do not believe I ?ersonally need one.
AE: {Then you think you are fated to be quadrantically lopsided?}
AE: {Unbalanced?}
PH: So am ?er?lexed by the all-too-frequent ?ale overtures made in my calm, rational, dare I say even serene, direction.
PH: ...No. I just don't need one. >:) Or to be one. I would ?robably make a horrible moirail. ?ity the ?oor troll fatefucked THAT way.
PH: But we aren't talking about ME.
PH: We're talking about YOU.
AE: {Indeed.}
AE: {And how cute I am.}
AE: {I shall begin to sew myself into plush form forthwith.}
AE: {And deliver myself to your door.}
AE: {As a present.}
AE: {And perhaps you can make me Moirail to some of your more hot-tempered and less reasonable plushies.}
AE: {That we may be cute together.}
PH: D:< I do not ...
PH: ...have...
PH: ...that many ?lushies.
PH: And most of them aren't hot tem?...
PH: AHEM.
PH: You WOULD ?robably be the steadier influence in a moiraillegiance!
PH: Heh, heh. Just like I would be! >:)
PH: And there's nothing wrong with that! C'mon. Do you really not see ANY of those fics as ?otentially canon?
AE: {If there is one thing that reading history has taught me, it is that all fics are potentially canon.}
PH: HA!
AE: {Arey?}
PH: Yeeeeeeesssss?
AE: {You know how you never write yourself into any fics?}
AE: {Is that because you honestly cannot see yourself in any quadrant with anyone we know, or because you would rather not tip your hand one way or the other, or something else entirely?}
PH: I ?ossibly have secret fics, Lamia. Secret fics, full of frolickings. I will neither confirm or deny these secret fics, naturally, exce?t to say that if they do exist, they are ?robably AMAZING.
PH: >;)
AE: {Ahh, I see.}
AE: {Well.}
AE: {Perhaps I have secret fics also.}
PH: >:O
AE: {And perhaps!}
PH: >':)
AE: {I cannot comment upon the potential-canonicity of your aforementioned non-secret fics because -- JUST PERHAPS -- they horrordovetail with some of said secret fics.}
AE: {Maybe.}
AE: {Perhaps.}
AE: {Perhaps.}
AE: {Perhaps.}
PH: >:\
PH: I wonder, Lamia.
PH: Do you know what it is I wonder?
PH: That I am wondering right at this ?recise moment, as a matter of fact?
AE: {I do not.}
PH: S?oiler: It is not whether or not you have secret fics.
AE: {Shockingly, this spoiler has not enabled me to accurately determine what it is that you are wondering.}
PH: I am wondering, Laaaamia, this. This is what I am wondering:
PH: Whether...
PH: ...or NOT...
PH: ...this dis?lay of evasiveness, the coy manner in which you wield your re?lies...
PH: ...s?rings NOT from secret fics, but INDEED, from...
PH: ...an inability to admit your own feelings...
PH: ...even to yourself.
PH: ?ray, dear friend, do not be alarmed! Do not worry, or give in to cri??ling selfdoubt, NOR even to flusterment!
PH: I am here to ?oint out the obvious.
PH: >:)
AE: {And what, pray tell, is that?}
PH: ?sht. You KNOW, Lamia. You have read the fics. You may not admit, but you KNOW which one -- or ones -- is -- or are -- nearest canon. And by nearest canon, I mean -- likely to be true. In reality.
PH: Well, you have SU??OSEDLY read the fics.
AE: {Oh, Arethusa.}
AE: {Much as part of me longs to indulge your attempt at probing into my thinkpan.}
AE: {My self and I are on excellent communicative terms, thank you.}
PH: I com?letely believe that you believe that, too. >:(
AE: {Arethusa, my unwillingness to admit my feelings to YOU is completely distinct from my inability to admit them to myself.}
PH: You maaaaay wish to redraft these terms you and your self are communicating under. ?ress for more honesty! Or at least more acknowledgment of your ?al Arethusa A??ellof's ability to know you better than you know yourse--awwww.
PH: >:( Why would you be unwilling to admit your feelings to me?
PH: >:( >:( >:(
AE: {All is not perfectly clear between us, Arey. I accept this. You have said that you do not want to talk to me about your flushed disappointments, and I, in a show of something resembling reciprocity, do not feel comfortable confiding all my own hopes.}
PH: Ah. I see.
AE: {I mean I suppose the perfect clarity required for such confidences is the province of a quadrant.}
AE: {And you do not need a Moirail.}
AE: {And I can apparently take my pick from everyone else.}
AE: {So it is probably best to simply leave these things as they are.}
PH: ...Augh.
PH: Oh god.
AE: {...What?}
PH: You can't take your ?ick from EVERYONE else -- although I'm ?retty sure that anyone else would be ha??y to have you as a moirail! Gugh.
PH: And a flushed disa??ointment is...
PH: ...hardly equal to a HO?E!
PH: Also, I believe you are lying to me. >:\
AE: {About what?}
PH: You have said before that you'd like to confide, that you'd like to confess, that you would like reci?rocity...
PH: ... but if there ha??ens to be NO reci?rocity, then that would be "all right." I'm fairly certain those were your words. "All right."
PH: And yet, here you are. >:\
AE: {You are correct.}
AE: {Inasmuch as I did say those things.}
AE: {But I am not lying.}
AE: {It was true that it was all right at the time.}
AE: {I suppose it is only that I am in a different frame of mind at present, and it now feels less all right.}
AE: {I do not think I have ever lied to you, really.}
PH: Hm?h. I direct you back to redrafting the communicative terms 'tween you and yourself.
PH: The ?oint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PH: is, I su??ose, that you shouldn't exaggerate the number of trolls I have shi??ed you with as far as the ?ale quadrant goes. It's really not all that many. And as amusing as the Octavi fic was, I think I favor him more for Aascam or Sky.
PH: And that, while I am sorry you feel a certain re?etitive quality has entered my fics of late...
PH: ...you are wrong. >:P And may wish to re-read. Because moirails aren't boring, and neither are you.
PH: Oh!!!!
PH: And also, just because I ?ersonally have decided to coldshoulder that quadrant...
PH: ...well, it's no reason for YOU to! It's a fun quadrant. >:)
AE: {Very well.}
AE: {I do think Octavi <> Aascam could be interesting.}
AE: {I look forward to reading that one.}
AE: {When you write it.}
-- plotHooked [PH] wants to send file --
PH: There. Hee. I tried writing an Aascam <3 You fic, but I ke?t getting distracted. ?erha?s another time.
PH: Anyway, I need to work out who Croc?o? is eating tonight.
PH: Er, what.
PH: What Croc?o? is eating tonight.
PH: So ... unless you'd like to toss off another observation or tem?ting and yet unex?lained almost hint? >:)
AE: {Bluh! No! My stomach has been completely turned by the prospect of that mercifully aborted fic! All tempting and unexplained almost hints have been relegated to the load gaper!}
AE: {Anyway, thank you for addressing my insecurities, Arethusa.}
PH: ...Com?letely, hmmmmmmmmmmm? Well, well, welllll.
PH: You're very welcome. >;)
PH: Later!
-- plotHooked [PH] ceased pestering aspirantExegesist [AE] at 15:00 --
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