Mean Lessons

-- plotHooked
 [PH]
 began pestering cordialPacifist
 [CP]
 at 8:09 --


PH: Hey! ?e?eir! I have an im?ortant question for you. Are you ready for some serious soulsearching?

CP: oh hi there! um yes sure

PH: >:) Good! I'm ?retty sure I can count on you. Would you say that you are, in fact, a likeable troll?

CP: umm heh yes I like to think I am S:) do you think so?

PH: >:) I think you're hilarious, ?e?!

PH: Now, this is very im?ortant ...

PH: ... if SOMEONE ...

PH: ... some misguided troll ...

PH: ... were to say you were UNLIKEABLE ...

PH: ... What would you say to them?

PH: ?retend you are saying it. Role?lay! >:D

PH: Hint: The more vicious and cruel you are, ?robably the better.

CP: oh umm

CP: are you saying you want me to pretend to be mean?

CP: or do you want something like an honest answer?

PH: >:\ I ... would like both, I su??ose.

CP: I umm I'm not sure um

CP: I would probably just be hurt and want to stop talking

CP: b-but you say it's better to be cruel?

CP: is it better in the "cool" way? The way that makes people flushed for you?

PH: Yes! Let us say the answer to that question is, right now, at this ?recise moment, yes! In this instance, it is better to be cruel because it is better in the "cool" way. The way that makes people flush whatever color hemos?ectrum causes them to flush.

PH: So ... ?retend to be mean. What would you say???

CP: oh umm okay let me think

CP: if they called me unlikeable I would...

PH: I am on the very edges of my seat with antici?ation!

CP: I would say "oh, that is very mean of you to say I'm going to get some friends and hurt you the way you hurt my pride and chances of being attractive and liked by people, you big grubf... um grubf*cker you!"

CP: and I'd give them a dissatisfied look like I don't like them

PH: All right. That's not TOO bad, I guess. But ...

PH: ... imagine THIS.

PH: You do all that, and they? Merely ...

PH: ... glance at you, as though you were a FLECK of DUST ...

PH: ... on their sleeve.

PH: And they say ...

PH: "?lease. Friends? YOU? You have no friends because nobody likes you! I thought we'd established that. But I su??ose you're just too stu?id to realize it."

PH: How would you burn them?

PH: If they said that, you'd really NEED to burn them. To SCORCH them. To sizzle their skin from their bones!

CP: b-but why would anyone say something so mean to me what did I do to them I don't um thinking about this it hurts a little

PH: Hurts? What, like, physically? >:?

CP: no it hurts my mind and confidence a lot

CP: makes me sad because now I'm reminded people don't like me a-and people said these mean things to me before

PH: ?e?!!!!!!

CP: and oh my god um um

PH: ??????!!!!!!!?????????!!!!!!!!??????????

CP: I don't know what to do I'm about to cry I'm remembering everything

CP: h-how could you bring this up again I.. I I don't know I tried to put these memories far in my brain


-- plotHooked
 [PH]
executes facepalm X 2 combo. --


PH: ?e?. Take a dee? breath. Okay?

CP: I told myself I would never think of them again because it makes me lesss confident and now they are back S:'(

CP: breathing breathing breathing breathing

CP: okay I'm calm again

PH: >:\ Jegus. The ?oint, ?e?! Is that noone is saying those things to you now.

CP: I think..

PH: >:) Exce?t me. And you don't think I mean them, do you?

PH: I used quotation marks and eeeeverything.

CP: I.. I don't know

CP: oh

CP: yes I guess so

CP: sorry

CP: I need to put these memories far back in my mind so they don't interfere with my friend making anymore

PH: A?ology NOT acce?ted, ?e?. Are you seriously sitting there thinking, Oh, Arethusa, she ?robably doesn't like me, she ?robably means every cruel barb she tosses my way, she is ?robably slinging arrows of misfortune and stones of woe my way now, for no reason at all exce?t ...

PH: ... OTHER trolls ...

PH: ... have done it in the ?ast? Really????

CP: no I don't know I was just confused

CP: you always help me so you are right

CP: I'm sorry for assuming that I just.. I was thinking about bad things and maybe got paranoid

CP: I want to stop talking about this so you won't dislike me any more um

CP: can we go back to the question?

PH: The question is dust and ashes, ?e?. The question has been obliterated by necessity! >:\ But we can go back to before you insulted me, sure!

PH: It doesn't really matter WHY someone would be that mean to you. There are always going to be trolls who have their own reasons for everything. They're very saucy that way. Im?udent! >:) And sometimes, quite adorably so!

CP: y-yeah I guess so

CP: but I still don't like it.

PH: What DO you like?

CP: umm when people are nice and friendly most of the time

CP: and maybe when they are kismesises or something they are mean in a nice way?

PH: Hmmmmmmm... hey. What if ... it turns out ...

PH: ... thaaaaaat ...

PH: ... the ONLY way to make someone actually like you

PH: instead of ?retending, or something, in order to foster amusement >:)

PH: was to be mean? And by being mean, you would, in fact, be being quite nice?

CP: you mean like one of those quadrants?

PH: Could you muster up something more than a dissatisfied look for the troll who calls you unlikeable?

PH: Sure! If that'll hel? you visualize ?ro?erly!

CP: Um this is hard

CP: I think mostly hmm

CP: I.. well if being mean is a nice thing

CP: and I want to do whatever I can to be nice

CP: then I guess I would be mean I think?

CP: it would be hard though

CP: especially if it was maybe someone like um Lamia

CP: I wouldn't know what to do

PH: >:) Okay, good! And here, in this ?rivate chatlog noone else will ever see, can you give me an exam?le of Mean (But Really, He Is Being Nice) ?e?? Say something scathing?

PH: ?retend that it IS someone like "um Lamia." That if you aren't nice, by being mean, you lose ALL chances you might have theoretically had with her.

CP: oh that would be horrible S:(

CP: okay I'll try if you think it helps you help me or be more friends

CP: you have to help me be mean though I think

PH: Yes, I ?robably do. But -- just go and give it a try! I'll translate what you say to a more a??ro?riate comeback if you give me something to work with, I guess. Just to get you started.

CP: I.. I would have to get really angry if I want to try being mean?

PH: ?retend! >:) Do you want me to ... say mean things again? >;) To try and get you angry? Or can you just ?retend I said them?

CP: it's hard to pretend

CP: but um I don't want you to say mean things but if you don't I won't be able to do what you want

CP: so I do want you to say mean things

PH: Okay, I am going to say mean things, then, unless you sto? me in the next five seconds by saying "oh ?lease no Arethusa I can't take it ?lease"

CP: I'm forcing myself not to

PH: Five ...

PH: ... Four ...

CP: I I umm no I can do this I can do this

PH: ... Three ...

PH: ... Two ...

PH: ... Almost TOO late to back out ...

PH: ... One!

CP: ahh that was wuiqckfaf

CP: just.. just say zero please

CP: before I change my ind

PH: TIME'S U?.

PH: Mean things are going to be said.

CP: mind

PH: You can't sto? them now.

CP: okay I'll try to get angry like you want

CP: no crying just angry

PH: ?e?eir. I look at your type, and I literally feel sick. I feel bile rising u? in my throat at the very idea of YOU having anything to do with any of MY acquaintances. I can't believe I've even bothered to squander so much as a minute of my time hel?ing you with ?roblems that, quite frankly, you'll never be able to fix. You, ?e?eir, are ?athetic, cowardly, a waste of s?ace, a com?lete and utter hole. You're nothing. You're worse than nothing, because at least NOTHING has the DIGNITY and the DECENCY to NOT exist. You! However. Seem to have been ?laced in Alternia to make other trolls feel ?oorly in the lamest ?ossible way. Nobody will ever flush for you. Ever.

PH: In fact, I'm ?retty sure they'd rather bleed out so that it would LITERALLY be IM?OSSIBLE to flush

PH: since they would be dead

PH: and without blood

PH: than flush for you.

PH: Nobody likes you ?e?eir!

CP: t-that I it doesn't sound like you are lying that sounds um oh I don't

PH: >:) There, was that mean enough? Come on, ?e?!

PH: Show me what you've got!

CP: y-you you

CP: I'm sorry for this but I thought you were going to be nice mean and now i'm unhappy

PH: Sigh.

CP: you

PH: It is a nice mean, ?e?eir!

PH: It's ?retend! >:) To get you into character! ?lease, show me some cruelty.

PH: ... Are you crying.

CP: you grub eating bone bulge licking lusus pailing mean bitch! I hate you making me feel bad about myself and you are only a little bit friendly and you are such a loser! I don't know why I talk to you because you should be the one without friends! People only like you because you are a big mean bitch thing and they just laugh at you all day hahaha I am laughing right now because your burns are so n

CP: ot that good at all they are soothing almost because they aren't really burns or anything

PH: Oh MY!

CP: I am so angry right now

CP: you didn't even help me get lamia flushed

CP: you are worthless and I hate you and nothing you say works

CP: if all my grubsauce came out I'd rather mix it with some of my lusus poop than yours

CP: S>:(

PH: I am totally reeling, ?e?. ?retty scalded!

PH: Man!!! So mean!!!

CP: y-you should

CP: because I hurt you and

CP: oh

CP: why did I hurt you

CP: I had all these mean feelings and I was out of control

CP: I'm so sorry Arethusa!

PH: Alas, I need a moment to ?ull together the shattered ?ieces of my self esteem, ?e?.

PH: I ... I'll ... try to return soon. >:(

CP: I'm so sorry sorry sorry what have I done

CP: how do I mend our friendship you were only trying to help and my head got really hot

PH: Whew. I just ate two quarts of Stab Ha??y Ice Cream, and I don't think it's going to be enough.

CP: um please eat more so you feel better? please

PH: But I su??ose I'll try to carry on as if you weren't totally NOT ?retend mean to me. It'll be difficult, but! >:) I'll ?robably manage somehow.

CP: I'm sorry again again S:( um was that a good being mean though?

PH: >:) Yes! It was ?retty good, ?e?. I was ?roud!

PH: Between the self esteem s?lintering into lots of little ?ieces, naturally.

CP: r-really? thanks it almost felt kinda good

CP: hehe yeah I think you're joking about that because your self esteem is really high!

PH: Whaaaaaaat? >:O Who told you that outrageous lie????

CP: what about your self esteem???

CP: no one but I talk to you and your self esteem seems much higher than mine so I maybe look up to you a bit

PH: Out of curiosity, did you say your Lusus was a worm Lusus?

CP: no he's not that is someone else I think. Mine has feathers and big eyes and he flies

PH: Ah, of course. Silly of me to make that mistake! >:) Your lusus WOULD have big eyes! That makes ?erfect sense!

PH: ?e?, you know what is a most excellent way of bolstering self esteem?

CP: how?

CP: people liking you?

PH: Nahhhhhhh.

PH: >:)

CP: does it have to do with p*ils?

PH: It does involve ?eo?le though! --- JEGUS, NO.

CP: oh okay sorry

PH: You do realize it's ?retty frickin' rude to always be mentioning ?ails to a lady, right?

PH: ?ail this and ?ail that, it's com?letely FILTHY!

PH: >:| And insulting.

CP: sorry soroysory

CP: I mentioned it before because it was an insult

CP: and I don't know people don't talk about that p word a lot with me

CP: so I thought it would be okay especially because I have flushed feelings for someone sorry

PH: Oh, I see. So you KNEW it was an insult. So you thought, Hey, I'll bring it u? more! See how much I can drag this highblood through the tawdry ditch of vice and scandalous imagery that SHOULD be ?rivate between two trolls -- or, well, two ?airs of trolls --

PH: ... just for KICKS. That's what you thought.

PH: Did Lamia tell you go talk about ?ails with me? Is that it? Did she say, "Go on, be com?letely rude when you ask my friend for hel? Throw in some references to grubsauce while you're at it?" >:(

CP: I.. no no she didn't

CP: you told me to be mean so I said that! didn't you?

PH: YES, and it was FINE, in that ?articular instance. But -- just -- don't bring it u? all the time, okay?

PH: We can talk about Quadrants without talking about ...

PH: ... that stuff, you know?

CP: y-yes I'm sorry I'll stop

CP: can I ask something

CP: please?

PH: >:| Would it be very kind of me to allow you to ?resum?tiously ask me something? Follow-u? question: AM I kind?

CP: I don't know S:( you seem kind but if you don't want to be you don't have to

CP: it's not about the p word though

PH: >:P Fine, ask away.

CP: so um

CP: why are you friends with me can I ask? I mean I don't have a lot of confidence

CP: or a model boat or money or protagonism or being a lovely troll who is perfect in umm every way and likes writing and gives me dreams about her or anything else

PH: ...

PH: ... huh. You're right. There's I guess no reason to be friends with you?

PH: Are you sure you don't have a model boat?

CP: I... that isn't what I meant but maybe S:(

PH: Maybe tucked away somewhere?

CP: no but I could buy one if that would help

PH: Save your money, kid. You lack the necessary style for a boat, ?e?. Are you looking for something someone else says as a way to feel good about yourself?

PH: Kind of like a cheatcode?

PH: To selfesteem? >:P

CP: no.. well maybe I don't know

CP: I'm just curious

PH: Well, ?e?. You have, thus far, ke?t me ?retty entertained. >:D

CP: really?

PH: Ye?! Haven't been bored yet!

CP: really? oh that is very good!

PH: Oh, yes! Very! Now, back to the ?oint!

PH: There was a ?oint, you might remember, from before you -- well. Said things that you really shouldn't say in front of me.

PH: Or any lady.

PH: Or gentleman.

PH: About bolstering self esteem.

PH: In a non-cheat-y way.

CP: y-yes?

PH: You know how you could do that?

PH: You could...

PH: ... take a glance at your contact list on Trollian ...

PH: ... ?ick someone who you have argued with recently ... or someone you just haven't talked to for a while!

PH: And start to troll them.

PH: Without mentioning my name, or self confidence.

CP: oh okay

CP: um

CP: can you give me an example or a book

PH: What? An example??? Uh. Look at your Trollian list and tell me someone who's online now.

CP: I mean how To Troll people

CP: oh

CP: you mean Talk To Them or Troll like be mean?

PH: Little wiggles, ?e?. Little wiggles. Just talk!

CP: oh okay

CP: how will jusT Talking boosT my confidence

CP: ?

PH: Because WHILE you talk you will also be confident. You will not allow anyone to u?set you. You will make im?ortant contacts and life decisions!

PH: You will know after you give it a try! Sometimes, reading books isn't enough. Sometimes, ACTION is necessary.

PH: The trolls in books don't just read a bunch of books themselves, after all, do they??????

CP: oh I see I guess

CP: whaT do I Talk abouT Though?

PH: Yourself! Quadrants! Your lusus! The ?erson you're talking to! That's usually ?retty good. Trolls love to talk about themselves, for the most ?art. Just ... ?ick someone and jump in!

CP: oh.. I'll Try ThaT I Think!

PH: Right now! >:) C'mon! Show your stuff!

CP: okay I will

CP: can I ask for help if I geT nervous?

PH: Yes! ?leeeeease do! Now who's your victim?????

CP: um

CP: would ez be a good idea?

PH: Yessss!

CP: I did

CP: and he jusT lefT

PH: Ahaha, really? ?erha?s he was overcome by the desire to be friend and it was too much for him. Did he at least say something first?

CP: oh yes

CP: I asked him abouT his lusus and smiled

CP: and he said iT was going badly or someThing and lefT To Take care of him

PH: Wow! He only left because there was an emergency. You see? You should try him again later. Since he's ?robably busy with Strife, choose another victim, ?e?!

CP: Oh. yeah I guess hehe

CP: well um I have To leave for a biT

CP: I'll Talk wiTh people like you said

CP: and Thanks for The help and I'll Talk wiTh you laTer S:)

PH: Excellent. >:) Later, ?e?!